So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
