I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
