I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
