he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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