dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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