new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
