I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
