you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
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I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
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I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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