I'm really into asian looking animals
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
