Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
