Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
