Porn is love you can see.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Pants are for mortals
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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