just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.