Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone

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(810): Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone http://tfl.nu/g4tt

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(732): View more from New Jersey

You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.

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(732): You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant. http://tfl.nu/c7ag

Replies (23) Good night (3082) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
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(914): View more from New York

I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.

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(914): I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room. http://tfl.nu/ia7u

Replies (8) Good night (720) Bad night (3479) Order T-Shirt
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(440): View more from Ohio

I just did the classiest thing ever.

(216): View more from Ohio

last time you said that you got chlamydia.

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(440): I just did the classiest thing ever. (216): last time you said that you got chlamydia. http://tfl.nu/33ag

Replies (19) Good night (1387) Bad night (6345)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.

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(704): The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe. http://tfl.nu/8oi8

Replies (9) Good night (966) Bad night (4418) Order T-Shirt
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.

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(603): I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months. http://tfl.nu/isje

Replies (9) Good night (3622) Bad night (1284)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.

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(973): as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage. http://tfl.nu/z7ah

Replies (10) Good night (546) Bad night (2702) Order T-Shirt
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(817): View more from Texas

Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.

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(817): Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes. http://tfl.nu/hziw

Replies (10) Good night (2508) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
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(859): View more from Kentucky

This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...

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(859): This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk... http://tfl.nu/39pj

Replies (8) Good night (1558) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
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(509): View more from Washington

Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving

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(509): Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving http://tfl.nu/hfo8

Replies (3) Good night (1329) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms

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(781): Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms http://tfl.nu/wx24

Replies (10) Good night (1107) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
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(402): View more from Nebraska

You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."

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(402): You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated." http://tfl.nu/111j

Replies (2) Good night (1097) Bad night (659)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.

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(717): We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes. http://tfl.nu/zq4p

Replies (5) Good night (1760) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
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(248): View more from Michigan

PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.

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(248): PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW. http://tfl.nu/5tmy

Replies (7) Good night (841) Bad night (227) Order T-Shirt
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(843): View more from South Carolina

Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.

(1-843): View more from South Carolina

My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?

(843): View more from South Carolina

Maybe

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(843): Bring a bathing suit and your good liver. (1-843): My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice? (843): Maybe http://tfl.nu/53dg

Replies (4) Good night (616) Bad night (103)

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