I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going