the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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