The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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