my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took my balls.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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