that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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