Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So vagazzling was a success
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
