You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
