She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
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...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
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I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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