i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i will never coherently bang her
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
