note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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