I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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