Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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