i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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