man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
