Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
