omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
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