i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
