I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
