I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
