I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
