I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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