Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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