i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize