Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
