You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
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I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You are a genius and a whore.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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