You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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