There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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