We're facebook friends in real life
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
