You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
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Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
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Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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