How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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