I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
