You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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