Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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