never play flip cup with pint glasses
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize