TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
40s are totally the cure
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
