I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
