you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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