I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
