ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
