Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize