He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
