I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
