I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
