My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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