I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
