You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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