My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
