i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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