I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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