Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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