just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
home. puking in laundry basket.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
