She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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