Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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