i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
