Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
