Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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